Posted by catherine jacobs on Mon, Jun 28, 2010 @ 10:49 AM
Six Ways to Spot Medicare Fraud:
1. No Medicare drug plan can ask you for your bank account or other personal information. There is no fee to enroll in a plan.
2. No one can come into your home uninvited. Be suspicious of ANY home sales.
3. No one can ask you for your personal information during their marketing activities.
4. Medicare Part D plan representatives are allowed to call to tell you about their Medicare drug plans. They may not call to sign you up unless you have called them.
5. If someone calls to tell you about a plan, ask for the name of his or her company. Then call Medicare (1800-633-4227) to see if the company is approved by Medicare.
6. If you suspect fraud, report it. Call Medicare at 1-800-633-4227 or the US Department of Health and Human Services Fraud Hotline at 1-800-447-8477 or the Federal Trade Commission at 1-877-382-4357. In Michigan, you can also contact Michigan's Medicare Medicaid Assistance Program (MMAP) at 1-800-803-7174 or the Michigan Attorney General's Office-Consumer Protection Division at 1-877-765-8388.
Note: The Legal Hotline for Michigan Seniors is also available to Michigan residents age 60 and over, free of charge, to assist them with questions about Medicare and other legal issues. The Hotline can be accessed Monday through Thursday at 1-800-347-5297. Attorneys at the Hotline have knowledge and resources to assist clients with a variety of legal issues.
Posted by catherine jacobs on Thu, Jun 24, 2010 @ 09:50 AM
Many of us don't have a will. What happens if you die without a will?
Here is how your estate will be divided:
If you die without a will (known as dying "intestate") in Michigan, your assets will be divided amongst your immediate family. If you have a spouse but no children or parents, your entire estate will go to your spouse.If you have a spouse and parents but no children, the first $150,000 plus three-fourths of the balance of your estate will go to your spouse. If you have a spouse and at least one child, the first $150,000 plus one-half of the balance of your estate will go to your spouse. The remainder will go to your children.
If you have children and no spouse, your entire estate will go to your children. If you have parents and no spouse or children, your entire estate will go to your parents. If your parents are no longer alive, your estate will go to your siblings.
You don't always have to have a Will. Alternatives to a Will
Wills eventually become public after your death, with the details of what you owned and how much it was worth available to anyone curious enough to read the court file. As a result, many people look for more private ways to transfer their assets.
In Michigan, alternatives to making a will include:
- Life insurance policies or trusts
- Gifting cash or other assets before your death
- "Transfer On Death" ("TOD") or "Payable On Death" ("POD") bank accounts
- Holding assets by joint tenancy with right of survivorship ("JTROS"), with the assets transferring automatically to the other joint tenant at the time of death
- Holding assets through a tenancy in common, with each tenant having a divided interest in the property which can be independently sold
- Retirement plans and Individual Retirement Accounts ("IRAs")
- "Revocable living trusts" (sometimes called "grantor trusts"), giving all your assets to a trustee for management before your death
Making a Will
In Michigan, you can make a valid will if you are at least 18 years old and of sound mind. The will must be in writing and signed by you and two witnesses.
A Michigan lawyer who does a lot of estate planning can explain the consequences of some of the most basic choices you must make, such as whether property you want to leave to your minor children should be put into a trust at your death. For that reason, it makes sense to consult with a Michigan estate planning lawyer and have him or her draft your will, so that you don't make costly mistakes or accidentally not accomplish what you intended.
Putting together your estate plan is generally a simple process. At Dykema Law Offices, we can advise you on the best estate planning package for your circumstances.
Contact us today: dykemalaw.com or 616-363-6611
Posted by catherine jacobs on Wed, Jun 23, 2010 @ 02:22 PM
Think of how stressful a divorce is for an adult; how will we divide our assets/debts, how we will determine custody and parenting time, will we have to move, will the kids change schools, how will we make ends meet, will my spouse remarry, will a new spouse have children, how will the new children fit in with my children?
Imagine all these concerns from the perspective of a child. It can and is usually overwhelming. There are many great books on the market that can help your child ease the fears and better understand what a divorce might mean for them.
Parents often get caught up in what is happening to them, which is overwhelming, and forget that are children have the same concerns. Many times children don't like to address their concerns with their parents. These unanswered questions can grow into huge stressors for children. Books can often be the ice breaker or the catalyst for conversation. Books can be a great way to start on the path to healing after the break up.
Below is a small list from hundreds of great books. Spend some time looking for books that will fit the age range of your children and the needs or concerns specific to them. You will find that the books will help, even the youngest children, to feel more comfortable talking about their concerns.
It's Not Your Fault, KoKo Bear: A read together book for parents and young children, by: Vicki Lansky.
Dinosaurs Divorce, by Laurene Krasny Brown.
I Don's Want to Talk about it, by Jeanie Franz Ransom.
Mama and Daddy Bear's Divorce, by Cornelia Spelman.
Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way, by M. Gary Nueman.
Other titles: The Divorce Express, How it Feels When Parents Divorce, Talking about divorce and Separation, How to Get it Together When Your Parents are Coming Apart, Divorced but Still My Parents, Dont' Fall Apart on Saturdays, What Children Need to Know When Parents Get Divorced, and My Family is Changing.
Our attorneys recognize the impact of divorce on your children. They help families navigate their way though this tough time based upon their years of family law experience.
Call Jayne Dykema or Lori Zellers today.
dykemalaw.com 616-363-6611
Posted by catherine jacobs on Tue, Jun 22, 2010 @ 09:15 AM
Divorce Mediation Myths:
Myth #1: Mediation allows one spouse to dominate another.
Fact: An experienced mediator is always aware of the power balance between the spouses and utilizes many specific techniques to correct any imbalance. If one spouse persists in dominating behavior, the mediator will call a stop to the mediation rather than allowing it to continue. Spouses should let their mediator know if there is an issue with control in the marriage. This will allow the mediator to watch for any power imbalances and stop them before they detract from the mediation process.
Myth: Mediation is more of a hassle than hiring a lawyer to handle the divorce.
Fact:Mediation can significantly reduce the "hassles" of hiring a lawyer and proceeding to court on a divorce matter. Mediation can generally be concluded in a few sessions, if not less, whereas a court case can drag on for months and years, thus making it more of a hassle and is significantly more expensive.
Myth: Mediation makes the divorce take longer.
Fact: In almost all cases, mediation takes less time than litigating a divorce. Even if the parties settle out of court, by the time that happens, mediation would be done and over. With mediation, there are no court mandated dates, hearings, and investigations. Mediation allows you to settle your case and move on with your life.
Myth: You don't get to have a lawyer represent you in mediation.
Fact:Mediators welcome parties who have hired attorneys. Experienced divorce and family law attorneys recognize the benefits and value of mediation as a quicker and more amicable form of resolving martial splits. Lawyers can play an important roll during mediation. They assist their clients in the negotiations, they ofter can help design settlement agreements, they advise their clients of their legal rights, and they can prepare the necessary paperwork that is filed with the court. Generally, when you hire a lawyer to represent you at mediation, the lawyers charge a reasonable hourly rate and there is no need for a large retainer. The client only pays for the amount of representation that is needed for the arbitration and paperwork. This eliminates the need for paying a lawyer to go to court, negotiate with the opposing attorney, conduct hearings, come up with proposed settlements for the opposing side to review, argue in court, and the list goes on and on...
Myth: All divorce lawyers understand and support mediation.
Fact:Even though mediation is fast becoming the preferred method of handling divorces, not all attorneys have had experience in this area. Mediation is a non-adversarial approach to divorce, contrary to divorce litigation for the past hundreds of years. You will find that some lawyers believe mediation should not be used to obtain a divorce. These attorneys would argue that spouses should use lawyers and go through the court system. As divorce lawyers understand mediation and its benefits for their clients, benefits for continuing a positive familial relationship for children, cost effectiveness, and time effectiveness.
Myth: In mediation, the mediator decides what's fair.
Fact: The mediator is not a judge or an arbitrator. A mediator has no power to make decisions for the divorcing spouses. It is the mediator's job to work with the spouses to help them negotiate an agreement that each of them considers fair enough to accept.
MEDIATION, A BETTER CHOICE, is a service provided by Dykema Law Offices, West Michigan's premier family law firm. Our family law attorneys have over 20 years in family law experience and are trained and certified family law mediators.
Contact Jayne Dykema or Lori Zellers today. jad.dykema@tds.net or ljz.dykema@tds.net
Posted by catherine jacobs on Mon, Jun 21, 2010 @ 09:04 AM
From the SSAO webpage:
Benefits For People With
Disabilities
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The Social Security and Supplemental Security Income disability programs are the largest of several Federal programs that provide assistance to people with disabilities. While these two programs are different in many ways, both are administered by the Social Security Administration and only individuals who have a disability and meet medical criteria may qualify for benefits under either program.
Social Security Disability Insurance pays benefits to you and certain members of your family if you are "insured," meaning that you worked long enough and paid Social Security taxes.
Supplemental Security Income pays benefits based on financial need.
When you apply for either program, we will collect medical and other information from you and make a decision about whether or not you meet Social Security's definition of disability.
Use the Benefits Eligibility Screening Tool to find out which programs may be able to pay you benefits.
If your application has recently been denied, the Internet Appeal is a starting point to request a review of our decision about your eligibility for disability benefits.
If your application is denied for:
- Medical reasons, (beginning December 22nd) you can complete and submit the required Appeal Request and Appeal Disability Report online.
The disability report asks you for updated information about your medical condition and any treatment, tests or doctor visits since we made our decision.
- Non-medical reasons, you should contact your local Social Security Office to request the review. You also may call our toll-free number, 1-800-772-1213, to request an appeal. People who are deaf or hard of hearing can call our toll-free TTY number, 1-800-325-0778.
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If you have been denied social security disability benefits, contact nurse-attorney, Lori Zellers. dykemalaw@aol.com
Posted by catherine jacobs on Fri, Jun 18, 2010 @ 09:47 AM
Fundraiser fashion show displays Goodwill finds with latest trends
Published: Monday, June 14, 2010, 9:32 AM Updated: Monday, June 14, 2010, 9:44 AM
Cami Reister | The Grand Rapids Press Follow Share this story
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Jessica Scott | The Grand rapids PressJill Wallace, vice president of community relations for Goodwill of Greater Grand Rapids, Inc., holds one of the outfits created with area boutiques for a fashion show that combines new items from area shops and great finds from Goodwill stores. The fashion show event, held at The B.O.B., will serve as a fundraiser for Goodwill, which will help support job training and placement programs for people with barriers to employment. Items include S12 Bohemia style shirt from Elle with oversized mixed metals blue bag from Goodwill, a black quilted evening shoulder bag from Lamb, paired with a blazer and metal necklace and blue Banana Republic dress from Goodwill. The accessories include Green Goods, handbags made from fabric samples and men's ties. Crystal necklace is a shopgoodwill.com item and the long silver necklace and ring are a Diane Katzman jewelry line, exclusive to Goodwill retailers nationally.
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GRAND RAPIDS -- Everyone knows Goodwill and other second-hand stores have great finds that can be turned into trendy outfits with the right fashion touch.
The key is knowing how to "work it." A fundraising fashion show on Thursday aims to show people how to do just that.
"Work It!" is a collaboration between Goodwill Industries, six area boutiques and other fashion businesses to create outfits from "gently used" Goodwill pieces and cutting edge fashion from the likes of Lamb in East Hills, Elle in Ada and Rockford's Jade.
Ryann Lambay, owner of Lamb, 949 Cherry St. SE, said the show is a fabulous idea and something they do regularly with their customers.
"Our whole sort of philosophy is about getting stable pieces and good pieces that you can mix in with stuff you already have," she said. "Sometimes some of our good customers come in with a dress they bought somewhere else or with a skirt. They don't want to get rid of it, they love it, and they want to update it."
Combining boutique offerings with even one Goodwill item can cut the price of an outfit significantly without sacrificing fashion.
Gina VanGessel, owner of Gina's boutique downtown, used a Goodwill shirt in an outfit that totaled about $120. Add one of her trendy shirts to complete the look and it would have been closer to $200.
"Goodwill has some good finds," she said. "It's all about layers."
| IF YOU GO |
| Work It! Fashion Show
What: Goodwill Industries and local boutiques partner in a fashion show combining Goodwill great finds with latest trends.
When: 5-7:30 p.m. Thursday
Where: The B.O.B., 20 Monroe Ave. NW, Grand Rapids
Why: Fundraiser for Goodwill's job training and placement services.
How: Tickets are $15 by calling 616-532-4200, ext. 1168, or $20 at the door
More info: goodwillgr.org |
The show also will feature the debut of Green Goods handbags made out of recycled fabric by Goodwill clients.
"Our participants are actually sewing them," said Jill Wallace, vice president of community relations. "Some of the handles are scarves, some are ties. A lot of them are pieces of fabric that have been donated to us from furniture warehouses."
Each participating store or business will have items for sale at the show, too.
Proceeds from ticket sales will benefit Goodwill's job placement and training programs, such as the Green Goods line, she said.
"We provide job training to over 3,000 individuals a year," Wallace said. "We're training them to get back on their feet and be a successful citizen and contribute to the economic fabric of Grand Rapids."
Jade owner Julie Cronkright said she thought the fashion show might be a challenge, but was pleasantly surprised with the items Goodwill dropped off.
"They gave us a really cute black tank top with rosette applications on the front," she said. "It looks like something we would carry."
Cronkright said the show will remind people Goodwill has "wallet-friendly" treasures.
"You're going to have to search a little bit more, but I still think it's worth it," she said.
E-mail Cami Reister: creister@grpress.com
Posted by catherine jacobs on Thu, Jun 17, 2010 @ 09:41 AM
The information below offers basic information about social security disability appeals. If you have been denied social security disability benefits, call nurse-attorney, Lori Zellers, who has a proven history of winning social security disability appeals.
SSA Publication No. 05-10041, January 2008, ICN 459260 [View .pdf] 
(En Español) [Audio.mp3] 
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Social Security wants to be sure that every decision made about your Social Security or Supplemental Security Income (SSI) claim is correct. We carefully consider all the information in your case before we make any decisions that affect your eligibility or your benefit amount.
When we make a decision on your claim, we will send you a letter explaining our decision. If you do not agree with our decision, you can appeal-that is, ask us to look at your case again.
When you ask for an appeal, we will look at the entire decision, even those parts that were in your favor. If our decision was wrong, we will change it.
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When and how can I appeal?
If you wish to appeal, you must make your request in writing within 60 days from the date you receive our letter. We assume you receive the letter five days after the date on the letter, unless you can show us you received it later. Call your local Social Security office if you need help with your appeal.
If you filed for Social Security disability benefits or SSI and your claim was denied for medical reasons, you may request an appeal on our website,www.socialsecurity.gov/disability/appeal. [Top] |
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How many appeal levels are there?
Generally, there are four levels of appeal. They are:
When we send you a letter about a decision on your claim, we will tell you how to appeal the decision.
Reconsideration
A reconsideration is a complete review of your claim by someone who did not take part in the first decision. We will look at all the evidence submitted when the original decision was made, plus any new evidence.
Most reconsiderations involve a review of your files without the need for you to be present. But when you appeal a decision that you are no longer eligible for disability benefits because your medical condition has improved, you can meet with a Social Security representative and explain why you believe you still have a disability.
Hearing
If you disagree with the reconsideration decision, you may ask for a hearing. The hearing will be conducted by an administrative law judge who had no part in the original decision or the reconsideration of your case. The hearing is usually held within 75 miles of your home. The administrative law judge will notify you of the time and place of the hearing.
Before the hearing, we may ask you to give us more evidence and to clarify information about your claim. You may look at the information in your file and give new information.
At the hearing, the administrative law judge will question you and any witnesses you bring. Other witnesses, such as medical or vocational experts, also may give us information at the hearing. You or your representative may question the witnesses.
In certain situations, we may hold your hearing by a video conference rather than in person. We will let you know ahead of time if this is the case. With video hearings, we can make the hearing more convenient for you. Often an appearance by video hearing can be scheduled faster than an in-person appearance. Also, a video hearing location may be closer to your home. That might make it easier for you to have witnesses or other people accompany you.
It is usually to your advantage to attend the hearing (in person or video conference). You and your representative, if you have one, should come to the hearing and explain your case.
If you are unable to attend a hearing or do not wish to do so, you must tell us why in writing as soon as you can. Unless the administrative law judge believes your presence is necessary to decide your case and requires you to attend, you will not have to go. Or we may be able to make other arrangements for you, such as changing the time or place of your hearing. You have to have a good reason for us to make other arrangements.
After the hearing, the judge will make a decision based on all the information in your case, including any new information you give. We will send you a letter and a copy of the judge's decision.
Appeals Council
If you disagree with the hearing decision, you may ask for a review by Social Security's Appeals Council. We will be glad to help you ask for this review.
The Appeals Council looks at all requests for review, but it may deny a request if it believes the hearing decision was correct. If the Appeals Council decides to review your case, it will either decide your case itself or return it to an administrative law judge for further review.
If the Appeals Council denies your request for review, we will send you a letter explaining the denial. If the Appeals Council reviews your case and makes a decision itself, we will send you a copy of the decision. If the Appeals Council returns your case to an administrative law judge, we will send you a letter and a copy of the order.
Federal Court
If you disagree with the Appeals Council's decision or if the Appeals Council decides not to review your case, you may file a lawsuit in a federal district court. The letter we send you about the Appeals Council's action also will tell you how to ask a court to look at your case. [Top] |
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Will my benefits continue?
In some cases, you may ask us to continue paying your benefits while we make a decision on your appeal. You can ask for your benefits to continue when:
- You are appealing our decision that you can no longer get Social Security disability benefits because your medical condition is not disabling; or
- You are appealing our decision that you are no longer eligible for SSI payments or that your SSI payment should be reduced or suspended.
If you want your benefits to continue, you must tell us within 10 days of the date you receive our letter. If your appeal is turned down, you may have to pay back any money you were not eligible to receive. [Top] |
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Can someone help me?
Yes. Many people handle their own Social Security appeals with free help from Social Security. But you can choose a lawyer, a friend or someone else to help you. Someone you appoint to help you is called your "representative." We will work with your representative just as we would work with you. Your representative can act for you in most Social Security matters and will receive a copy of any decisions we make about your claim.
Your representative cannot charge or collect a fee from you without first getting written approval from Social Security. If you want more information about having a representative, ask for Your Right To Representation (Publication No. 05-10075) or you can find it on our website.
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Contacting Social Security
Our website is a valuable resource for information about all of Social Security's programs. There are a number of things you can do online.
In addition to using our website, you can call us toll-free at 1-800-772-1213. We treat all calls confidentially. We can answer specific questions from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m., Monday through Friday. We can provide information by automated phone service 24 hours a day. If you are deaf or hard of hearing, you may call our TTY number, 1-800-325-0778.
We also want to make sure you receive accurate and courteous service. That is why we have a second Social Security representative monitor some telephone calls. |
Posted by catherine jacobs on Wed, Jun 16, 2010 @ 09:34 AM
Who Needs Estate Planning?
Regardless of whether your estate is large or small everyone can benefit from estate planning. It's important for all of us to designate someone to manage our assets and make health care and personal care decisions for us when we become unable to do so for ourselves.
If any of the questions below seem relevant to you, then an estate plan is important for you and your family to pursue.
- Who will receive your assets after your death?
- Who will pay your last debts?
- Who will make health care decisions for you if you are unable?
- Does your family know your feelings when it comes to life support?
- Would you like any of your assets donated to charity?
- Do you know how to preserve your assets for your beneficiaries and reduce or postpone the amount of estate tax which otherwise might be payable after your death?
When individuals fail to plan ahead, a judge appoints someone to handle your assets and personal care. Your assets will be distributed to your heirs according to a set of rules known as intestate succession. Under intestate succession your assets may not be given to your choice of heirs. An estate plan gives you control over who will inherit your assets after your death. If the court has trouble locating your heirs after a period of time, your estate will escheat (be given) to the State of Michigan.
CATHERINE JACOBS, AT DYKEMA LAW OFFICES, CAN ASSIST YOU WITH ALL OF YOUR ESTATE PLANNING NEEDS. CALL TODAY FOR A FREE CONSULTATION.
616-363-6611 OR EMAIL AT: chj.dykema@tds.net
Posted by catherine jacobs on Tue, Jun 15, 2010 @ 09:28 AM
Divorce Mediation
Divorce mediation still feels like a new idea in some parts of the country, but it's increasingly well-known and widely accepted. Mediation means different things to different people. In the form I recommend, you and your spouse would sit down in the same room with each other and with a neutral mediator. With the mediator's help, you would work through all the issues you need to resolve so the two of you can get through your divorce.
Although there certainly are several different styles of mediation, there are several things you can depend on no matter what style your mediator uses. Mediation is flexible and confidential. It gives you and your spouse a way to settle the conflict between you, which is natural and inevitable, in a way that helps you to work together as parents after your divorce.
The mediator remains neutral between the husband and the wife. That means the mediator can't give advice to either party, and also can't act as a lawyer for either party.
What the mediator can do, though, is to point out in open session to both spouses things that each of them should be aware of about what they're trying to accomplish. That open and free exchange of information frees up both spouses to negotiate with each other in confidence. Because both spouses are working with the same base of information, it usually takes far less time to negotiate a resolution that makes sense to both spouses.
You're welcome to bring your lawyer to mediation if you want to, or you can use your lawyer as an advisor between sessions. Don't let your lawyer make you feel that you must pay him or her to be with you during mediation. That's strictly up to you.
Mediation is voluntary. It continues only for so long as all three of you - you, your spouse, and the mediator -- want it to. Your mediator has to have a good reason to withdraw. You or your spouse can withdraw from mediation at any time, for a good reason, a bad reason, or no reason at all.
People often ask, "Does mediation really work?" In a word, yes. We know from years of research that when you compare couples who have mediated their divorce with couples who go through an adversarial divorce, mediating couples are more likely to be satisfied with the process and the results, likely to take less time and spend less money, and are less likely to go back to court later to fight about something.
The main advantage of mediation is that it keeps you and your spouse in control of your own divorce. That can make all the difference in your recovering from your divorce and moving on with your life. Mediation allows the two of you to get through your divorce with less conflict than you would experience in an adversarial divorce. Because mediation is all about working with shared knowledge, mediation also often allows you and your spouse to work together to lower your tax bill . . . and that can often translate to more money for you.
Posted by catherine jacobs on Mon, Jun 14, 2010 @ 09:21 AM
From Times Online
June 4, 2010
Al Gore's divorce is the Tipper the iceberg
The couple's split after 40 years shows how many people discover in their 60s and beyond that they want different things
Helen Rumbelow
Recommend? (2)
This week's announcement that Al Gore and his wife Tipper are divorcing after more than 40 years of marriage has caused many to ask: why bother? If you're old enough to divorce after your daughter has been divorced, maybe that's a sign that you are too old.
Now, there are many fascinating aspects to this development, including the chance to reread the Gores' jointly authored book on the joys of marriage, Joined at the Heart, or indeed to follow the new Twitter trend of thinking up pick-up lines for Al ("wanna see my hanging chad?"). But unnoticed among them is the fact that it is pensioners such as Al (62) and Tipper (61) who are the only ones bucking the trend of a lower divorce rate. It's as if, like taking up golf or ballroom dancing, this is another hobby that you have time for only in your retirement.
The Office of National Statistics shows that the rate of divorce is dropping sharply in every age group, except the over-60s - this includes every age over 60, because the statisticians never anticipated the need to start separate graphs for the seventies, eighties, and nineties. The world's oldest divorcés, Bertie and Jessie Woods, made history last year by divorcing when they had both reached the age 98.
So why, instead of cruising off into their dotage hand in hand, are the grandparent generation single-handedly dragging the average divorce age up every year? I talked to Andrew Smith about his parents' recent separation. Normally you would expect to conduct this discussion with a shell-shocked pre-schooler, or a resentful teenager. But Smith is himself 55, and his parents are in their eighties. Was that not, I inquire tactfully, a little late in life to look for pastures new?
"I think so, yes, in that this is the time of life when they actually need each other," he says. "But there is also an intolerance that comes with age. My mother and my father wanted different things in terms of where they wanted to live, and in the end they decided not to compromise. At lot of people of their age lead increasingly separate lives - separate bedrooms and so on. But they needed more. There's independence of spirit there, but selfishness too. The support that my mother needs, other people in the family have to take that responsibility."
Stephanie Coontz, the author of Marriage, a History notes that getting married in the late 1960s or 1970s was a big risk factor. Why? Partly because people still married very young (Tipper was 21 and Al 22 when they got hitched). And partly because life expectancy is now so much longer that those who are unhappy by the time the kids leave home know they have many decades stretching out ahead of them. In 2007, the latest figures available in the UK, 50 per cent more over-60s got divorced than ten years previously.
For women such as Ella Cook, who married young and had children young, it takes longer to find the confidence to leave. Cook left her husband at the age of 65 after nearly 40 years of marriage.
"One of the reasons I hung on was that I had a very powerful husband, and having married young I didn't see myself as an individual. It took me a long time to imagine a life of my own," she says. "In the end the unhappiness becomes so great that you are prepared to sacrifice 40 years for it. It's very sad, because that's 40 years of history. If you divorce after 15 years, you can do it all again, get married again, maybe have more children. But after 40, you don't have as much time. It's sad for grown-up children, and complicated for grandchildren. But you just can't go on."
A study of post-40 divorce by the American support group for older people, AARP, found that 60 and 70- -year-olds appreciate life after divorce the most of any of the ages, citing a fresh lease of life from forging a new identity. Christine Northam, a counsellor with Relate, said that the service was seeing increasing numbers of sixty-somethings divorce: "It is a trend of significance, and I think that it has something to do with the changing role of women. They may have stayed together for the children, but after the children have gone women are looking for more self-fulfilment; they feel more independent. In their fifties and sixties, they realise they may have another 30 years of active life, and they think that life could be more exciting."
In some ways, then, it's not a fear of death that prompts the change, but the confidence that old age gives you. In talking to people who escaped a marriage when they were issued with their Freedom bus pass, I realise that I kind of admire them for not crumbling away into her kitchen and his garage and silently rancorous mealtimes. They chose a new life, at the end of life.
In his novel Immortality, Milan Kundera poses a difficult question. If, after death, you were given the chance of another turn, another spin on earth, and you were given the opportunity to have the same life partner for another 40 years, would you? It's a tough one, because even in the happiest marriages, people do wonder.
And when you're nearing your own mortality in a long and unhappy marriage, increasing numbers of people do more than wonder.
Some names have been changed